Yet another health-related scandal has rocked the moral foundation of Belmont High School.

Public health officials working for the Massachusetts Board of Water Fountain Safety (MASSBOWFS) discovered on Monday that as many as five of the 13 water fountains in the school maintained a dangerously low temperature of 43 degrees Fahrenheit. “That’s not even lukewarm,” said John Bubbla, captain of the MASSBOWFS 6th District Dispatch Squad.

In addition to the temperature, multiple fountains had a stream height of 2.4 inches, easily clearing the metal thing over the spout. Official regulations state that the water kind of spilling directly into the drain forlornly is ideal, but a pitiful stream that’s almost high enough to drink which makes you even more annoyed is also acceptable.

Bubbla expressed remorse that the students were allowed to drink water under these conditions: “If left unchecked, this situation could’ve led to kids not having to bring water bottles that run out after one mod. I’m just glad we discovered this situation before it got out of hand.”

Water fountains are expected to return to service within the month after extensive re-breakage of the cooling and pressure systems.


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